Here We Go Again..

I cant believe I just named this post after a Demi Lovato song. But, it's fitting. I always tell myself that I'm going to start dieting, I'm going to lose weight, exercise and all that. Two days in I'm sitting on a chair, eating an ice cream cone and watching an intriguing episode of Income Property on HGTV. I get unmotivated, to say the least. I think it's because I'm doing this on my own. No one is actually here to see me make progress or to be witness to if I work out or not. It's easier to cheat and to abandon things if you have no support system or if you are going at it alone, because no one will know. And then you just slink away from your plans and end up where you started. Or worse off, since the absence of sugar and sweets and fatty things made me crave them, and I binge.

This is why I'm starting this blog. I hope to update everyday and I also hope the updating will motivate me and somewhat force me to continue on with losing weight. Updating will become almost like a responsibility. I know that there are going to be days where I just don't want to do anything, and maybe even updating will not help with that. Good news, I'm going to be living with a friend of mine in about 10 days, and our apartment has a 24/7 gym. It'll be better working out with someone else.

I remember being slightly overweight, starting from 5th grade. I even remember why. 5th grade was a bad year for me, I was teased a lot. I would come home and eat to make myself feel better, I guess I've never really shaken that habit, as now I find myself indulging in food when I'm stressed out. And lately, that stress has been at an all time high, and that is not going away anytime soon. I was in school all summer, taking classes (3) and trying to rid my transcript of some bad grades. In addition to the summer session (which is faster and more compacted than a regular semester) my grandmother has been living at my home. She and I don't get along, so my sanctuary was gone and I had literally no peaceful place to live. The living situation will be better when I move into the apartment, because I'll have my own space. However, the school situation is going to continue to be stressful. I must achieve all A's in my classes for the fall semester. And I'm determined to meet this goal.

There are non-stressful things in my life as well. My friends, and a certain Boy. They all make me happy and make me feel good about myself. However, even though they do this (and even though the Boy is amazing and tells me that I'm stunning and beautiful) I still feel overweight and unhappy with how I look. I'm not doing this to impress anyone, I'm doing it for me.

Now, as I'm staying at home until I move into the apartment, I'm going to have to improvise a bit. I don't have any workout equipment, or free weights or anything. I do however, have a pool. Now this isn't the best work out, but I figure that running through water would be more effective than running down the street. Since water is a more dense substance. This is just until I move into the apartment.

My starting weight for this is 192lbs. I don't really have a goal weight, I just want to be happy with how I look. Perhaps somewhere in the 150's? We'll see what happens.